Thursday, July 12, 2007

Letter to Optimus

Its not easy being the leader of Autobot and protecting the universe from evil....

The proof below from http://mcsweeneys.net/2007/7/9weaver.html

A LETTER TO OPTIMUS PRIME
FROM HIS GEICO AUTO INSURANCE
AGENT.
BY JOHN FRANK WEAVER

- - - -

Dear Mr. Prime,

We have received your accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again.

Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."

The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that you were not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the accident. Though police were unable to test his blood-alcohol level—Mr. Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyzer, because he "doesn't breathe"—under Washington-state law, refusal to take a Breathalyzer test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level.

But, I repeat, those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims. I mention a few to illustrate the larger trend:

* $379,431.34 requested reimbursement for repairs to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage was caused by attacking fighter jets.

* $665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.

* $6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car- and truck-part catalog published in the United States and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn't break. GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.

And the list goes on. Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use.

To sum up, GEICO has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.

Regards,

Simon Furman
GEICO Agent


So, you can see that its expensive to protect the free world....
go watch the show and buy Prime merchandise now

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

真正愛你的男人

another 1

真正愛你的男人,是...

●抱起來溫暖,囉唆很煩,在身邊討厭,看不見又很懷念的人。
●吃剩的麵不要浪費,他會接過去幫妳吃乾淨的人。
●去大賣場買東西,總是比妳多提兩大袋,還是會空出手牽妳的人。
●逛街,總是從頭到尾『良性勸導』妳不要亂花錢的人。
●自己的內衣褲破了都懶的買,還在陪妳試穿衣服的人。
●月經來,抓到妳偷吃剉冰,會很生氣罵妳的人。
●當你月經來,會走進7-11為妳買衛生棉的人。
●不顧自己有多想睡覺,也是會陪妳聊天聊到天亮的人。
●妳生病,卻比妳還要辛苦的人。
●一邊罵妳肥嫌妳胖,卻還是去買宵夜給妳吃的人。
●吵完架做錯事,還會厚臉皮跑來牽妳手的人。
●日子久了,就會忘記情人節、聖誕節存在的人。
●為了看現場轉播的NBA總冠軍賽,敢把可愛的妳推到旁邊涼的人。
●很少送妳花,卻常愛送妳日常生活用品的人。
●沒事一定陪妳,有事還是陪妳,讓妳懷疑他是不是沒有朋友的人。
●房間東西亂七八糟,被妳罵了才會去整理的人。
●最喜歡看妳開心的大笑,然後也對著妳傻笑的人。
●看見妳笑容,他會很得意的人。
●漏接妳電話,就會打爆妳手機的人。
●妳晚歸,會徹夜爲妳等門的人。
●剛吵架一路不說話,也還是會接送妳回家的人。
●聽到妳哭,還是會不辭千里的飛奔到妳身邊的人。
●偷偷的為妳做了很多事,卻從來不和你邀功的人。
●已經認為自己的手臂與肚子是枕頭的人。
●敢會和妳搶遙控器,最後卻只能陪妳看韓劇的人。
●他不在,妳就會心煩意亂心不在焉,開始很想念他的人。

轉貼:給女孩們看一下

Something very touching

其實很多女孩子都不知道,男孩子在從他們發火後自己轉過身卻在不斷自責。

其實很多女孩子都不知道,男孩子從來不會真正去生她們的氣,因為他是真的喜歡妳在乎妳。

其實很多女孩子都不知道,男孩子只會對自己喜歡的女生百般呵護,也只會對自己喜歡的人耍性子。

妳要知道,假若他不喜歡妳,他根本不會來在乎妳關心妳,怕妳做錯事情。

妳要知道,假若他不喜歡妳,他根本不會對妳發火不會要妳撒嬌要妳哄他,在別人面前他都是紳士。

妳要知道,假若他不喜歡妳,妳根本就沒有本事讓他自責,讓他即使生氣也不會超過1天。

而這一切都只是因為他喜歡妳,而這一切都因為妳還不夠在意他不夠懂他。

於是,你們時常爭吵,妳認為他脾氣不好,妳認為他不夠遷就妳。

於是,你們總是冷戰,妳以為他不喜歡妳,妳以為他不在乎妳。

於是,你們總是莫名其妙的彼此錯過,也許擦身而過,本身就是一種悲傷著的無奈與幸福。

要知道,淒美依然是美的一種,並且美的絢麗悲涼而滄桑,那是更加的美。

因為他喜歡妳,所以妳偶爾他你發火,時常對他撒嬌。

因為他喜歡妳,所以他才會生妳的氣;而又因為喜歡妳,他才不會去生氣很久。

妳可知道,每個男孩子的面子都是玻璃做的,晶瑩剔透,但是很容易就碰傷摔碎。

妳可知道,每個男孩子都是有設防的,當他選擇讓妳闖進他的心,妳走的時候卻只留下傷害。

妳從來都不知道,這個世界上根本沒有可以讓他哭的人,因為真正值得為他哭的那個人,妳根本捨不得讓他哭。

妳會很矜持,妳會很驕傲,他會很冷淡,他總是嘴裏說著妳很煩,心裏卻一直喜歡妳煩。

請妳張開妳的耳朵,也請妳打開他的心,去聽他心裏真正的呼喚,而不是他嘴裏的口是心非。

他會看著妳轉身,然後他跟著妳轉身,當側身而過的時候,他看不見妳的淚,滂沱在臉上心裏。

如果妳喜歡他,請妳多陪他;如果妳喜歡他,請妳多讓他自由;如果妳喜歡他,請妳多了解他。

如果妳喜歡他,請妳去聽聽他內心的聲音,那是無言的吶喊——請給他一個吻。

在愛情裏,總是彼此傷害,彷佛這樣才能證明自己愛得激烈愛到轟轟烈烈。

可是,愛情裏沒有孰對孰錯;愛情裏更加沒有妳比我多我比妳少。

妳愛他,他愛妳,如此就已經足夠。不要試圖讓彼此的傷害,讓彼此更加脆弱悲傷。

你們彼此相愛,你們需要的是溫暖是幸福是甜蜜是快樂,不是傷害。

不要用沈默宣戰,不要互不相讓,更不要什麼話都不講就冷漠離去。

要知道,妳離去的時候,妳的眼睛起了霧,其實他的眼角正泛著淚光。

越是安靜戰火就越傳,這是冷戰也是彼此的傷害——無論是怎麼的復合,那些傷口曾經存在,抹不去。

請跟他一個擁抱,用妳的擁抱去化解他心裏的無奈。

妳喜歡他,他絕對不會拒絕妳的擁抱,他只會害怕妳的冷漠轉身無聲安靜。

請記住,相愛的人不要輕易宣戰,因為冷戰帶來的傷害,超出妳的預計。

也請記住,只要妳喜歡他,沒有什麼是妳接受不了的,只要妳喜歡他,就喜歡他的一切一切。

那麼他所有的小性子所有的壞脾氣所有的臭毛病,在妳眼裏都是撒嬌。

也請記住,他喜歡妳,他需要的不是妳真的轉身,他嘴裏說著的也不是他的真心話。

他只是想妳給他多一點自由,想妳多了解他一點,哪怕,沒有道歉。


他要的 只是自由 只是妳的相信與支持

~*~★~*~☆~*~★~◎~☆~*~★~*~☆~*
以上轉貼 裡面也有我的心情